Static.

What if I hadn't spend
The last 18 years of my life
Loveless
What if I had loved
A broken shell of a boy
A flesh eating
Camus engulfing
Sad
Sulkingly sad
Little boy
A sadness vast and populating
And he would be
Goddamn
Motherfucking beautiful
In his sadness
Beauty that aches and irritates the air
It mingles with
He would in whispers
Loath how I burned for livelihood
And together we would be
Birth and death and light and darkness
Coexisting
Interwining
In might inseparable
Then we'd break away
And each
Would lose
It's flicker
What if I had clashed
Instead of mundanely being
Might I
Have been brilliant?
What if this loss of flicker
This tame of torches
Would send me
In frenzy
Of running round
Then standing still
To utter forth
Sheer aesthetics
Instead I read this textbook
Of the structure of angiosperms
And my heart is a static
Lump of meat
And my poetry couldn't be
More mediocre.