fears

here is to a burning great feeling that much like
most feeling will turn to gasoline fuel
absolutely nothing, just hormons rising and falling
and eluding you into something that isnt really there
here is to a fear that isnt fear but is just lack of sleep
and over burnt roasted coffee cups and friends absent
and you alone in school and teachers remind you
of the grades you'v lost but you havent really lost a thing
there wasnt much you'v learned and some few years from now
you will graduate from your half assed college
you wont even remember this day you wont even remember
why you were afraid
but you wil remember fear
because fear is always the same
sitting in the company of young, light hearted females, throwing away silky strands that stick to their lip gloss, adjusting some ring or belt, unaware of what universe comes to civil
wars to stomp upon whatever hope drivin idea you may have of how some other company
may clash and burn to idealize your repetitive thoughts.
you are afraid again.
fear is always the same
poems arent.
some like to be simple
some call these poems "too simple"
some like to be complex and devine
some call these  poems "pretentious"
eventually poems stand to break down and beautify with illusions trivial things
fears
ungraspable.
I for one am a child and most people tell me I havent even been in love been married had children I haven even tasted the tips of life and so I dont have a reason to me sad or afraid
and my daily solitude my running away from my family who likes to have small talk I am unable
to take lightly
I am unable to say the same words I use in poetry hung upo n shelves as the model of my fears to simply describe my current coffe cup
I cant say the coffe is stale
when stale is the word to describe deceased dreams I had at 16.
I may be 18 now
I may have not even finished school yet
I may be a child
but I am aware and I am conscious
and my fears exist and dreads and I havent a clue of how to tame them and sooth them
except write about them
so do not disacknowledge them
do not disacknowledge me
do not disacknowledge
my half sloppy poetry.