when I'm asked later.

this is where I was 5 years old

and I suppose I have been unable to understand so many things
and so many people
and so at 5 I was far more afraid thanI was curious.

but when I am asked in the future
how was this place for you
I wil say

this is where I was 5 years old
and I was 15 here
and I was 8
and I was 12
and I was 16
and I was 10

and finally I left it at 18
and I had been so many people
but I still was practically the same
I was always shy
kind of bright
but also very slow

and this is where I first
learned to paint
quit well
some people liked it
I had been really under the influence of
and idle adolescent crush at the time
I painted with so much passion
I thought he'd find me so interesting
if he knew
I could create something
mildly beautiful

he didnt
I didnt really paint much for a year or so

I never had any crushes

this
at 8 years old
is where I first had a bestfriend
where I first went to her house
I met her sisters
I really wanted to be like
them
they were tall and slender
they had long straight blond hair
and really small features

this
is where I was first
 bullied
it started at 6 years old
it was public
and sharp
and brief
at 10 years old
it was vigorous
and personal
at 15
or
16 it was not very
obvious
but deeply hurtful
at 18
almost whisper like
and hilarious


this is where I first was so intrigued to the point
of holding my head
and
repelling class mates
and waisting time
with
'questions'
that had
no
real
answers.

and this
this is where I was first asigned t write something
and
this is where I first read something
in front of other
this is where I first
had an audience.

so
yes
overall I have hated this place
and I have lived with the idea
that I will always have to do it
and I will always hate it
but here I am
in miniature
heart break.

there will be no late night activity
not lonesome inability
to fit in the masses of girls
throwing themselves
forward and backwards
this is 12 constant
unstable
magnificently interesting
overly
torturous years of my life
this is where I was first 5 ears old
and this is where I
cried everyday for 2 consecutive years
and learned tat passion
is untamable.