please god not a poem

i havent written any poems in

pretty much the longest time i have ever spent

not writing

since i ever started

writing.

which was at 16

16 is a very nice age

or

now i see was a very nice and stupid little age

for me

and one:

i dont know if i have reached a certain level of

'avant gaurdness'

or if

i am simply

'fuck it' ing

or just

giving up

but

i dont know the structure of a poem

and i was never one of those

burning for the details of a poem

except now i want my

'poem'

to be as far away

from other poems

as possible.

i dont want her to have any metaphors

her

i dont want her to rhyme

i dont want her to have any alliteration, similes whatever

the actual 

fuck

i just want her

to

with all her filth spit

spit endlessly.

shes always been just a vessle

trying to be pretty enough

so someone would look

and actualy answer my

goddamn questions

the ones i glues on her

ripped

little

dress

what is it like

to be

held without end

and to not question

the thought

motivation

compatibility

of whoever

holds

you

to not wish their breath

away

away

what is it like to actually

want

someone to hold you

to want

to be

"thing"

with desks and titles and

parking lots

what is it like

to know

and

walk peaceful

with the gentle little 

knowing