to make you feel my love.

I take my oldened blazer off, and I sit. as simple as it gets, I sit, and I sip yesterdays rotten cold coffee, and I let loose all captivated thoughts, my saviors, my retreat. I escape, to a dimension entirely estranged to this world.
life is cruel, and I some times just choose not to feel.

I was told ..thoughts (3)

I was told to dream, to let all my thought accumulate into one big massive dream, I was told to believe, I was told to hope and to love.1

and above all never to give up.2

why was I told so? why was I constantly implied to in every book I read, every movie I watched why was I told that passion, pure passion could git me where I want to be?3

when in this world, dreams, beliefs, hopes thoughts, and even love.4

count for absolutely nothing, when some creatures that only have the body of a human and a soul of a monster, live the world for material purposes, for money, fame, and fornication.5

whatever happened to all those dreams I had of sitting in a field of sun flowers, reading a good poem, watching the clouds hug the bright and shiny sun and fill it with bundles of joy and warmth, and in my head, I would be so intensely jealous of the sun for having such a soft and loving embrace, and so jealous of the clouds for getting such a warm and bright one.6

whatever happened to my self belief, my belief for my own ability, yes, I would like to be realistic, but I would also like to have hope, I dont want to feel as if I dream into wholes and cavities, I dont want to feel as if, I am enjoying something which only I shall enjoy.7

one saying never fails to, somewhat spark a bit of hope in me.8

you see no matter how passionate I am , no matter how much love I posies .9

your either born with it, or your not.10

that simple.11

that cold12

and that crewel.13

In spite of everything I shall rise again: I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing. Vincent Van Gogh14

I will, I am no von gogh for sure, but then again , van gough was no van gogh at his time either15

why am I even saying this?16

I will never be, as great as van gogh`s finger nail.17

but the message is clear.18

in spite of every thing, I will write, I will paint, I will read, I will improve..19

I have already..20