My first critical review!

well, not really a critical review, it was only one bad comment over a poem I worked really hard on

here it is

I feel them
I feel them hot and fast
I constantly disappointed you
and again, nothing lasts1


I go unnoticed
but in the corner I watch them all
going about, so carelessly
as I go through my daily falls2

3

it is quite a prison
in this brain of mine
it sends messages, that send shivers
to the back of my spine4


I am terrified
full of despair
I am agonized
as I eerily stare5


at you, and your perfect sways
across the the pavement of this town
this town consumed by villains
turning it upside down6

you are one and only for me
the last hero standing
oh! wretched me and my cowardly, foolish ways
and my helpless stranding7

8

as I always will
I shall go back to my corner and merely glance
at your direction
for I realize, that I have forever lost my chance9

10

farewell
mythical lover
I shall see you in my dreams tonight
worry not about me
as always, I well simply pretend to be alright.

now this poem wasnt exactly fabulous and amazing, but I didnt think it to be emo and a cleche ?

of coerce, I respected his opinion no matter how much it hurt me, and four quite sometime made me want to quit writing for good.

but I wont.

as van Gogh said, no matter what I will pick up the pencil.

if I am ever to succeed I will git about a gizillion of those.