thoughts..

art is mostly created from mere idle thoughts, i think i have herd that somewhere.1

once again, i have let all that is little and insignificant, take over me, irritate me, and suck all hope out of me.2

things so irrelevant, my face itching, my stomach pain, my mothers screams,there all killing me.3

the voices in my head, telling me to do this and that, and then running, like they`ve been chased by never stopping ticking clocks, into the next idea before finishing the first!4

oh our unfinished thoughts rambling at the top of our brains awaiting for the vital tail of its newly created body, when shall the tail arrive, its impossible to tell!5

I sit here, awaiting for some kind of miracle to occur, maybe for once I would stop caring so much of what people think of me, maybe for once, I would, draw, write, paint, in absolute carelessness, of what if this isn't good enough? what if its pointless?6

thoughts that seem to always flood my mind, what dose it take to be great? and most of the time i answer in the same way, be yourself,improve your self, and have your own vision.7

however, most of the time, I cant help but be effected by what others tell me, and honestly, i am an extensively insecure teenager, with larger then life dreams, of coerce peoples little laughs and funny remarks, and of coerce the occasional what the hell looks git to me..8

so you wanna be an award winning writer, who writes in English, even though your Arabic, oh and by the by, its already difficult to be a successful female writer in Saudi Arabia, non the less an English award winning one.9

also you want to be a painter, and a biologist?10

crazy, is the word that popes to mind to them, amongst other words, like, irresponsible, young ,naive.11

I am not stupid, I know , oh I know that I will not succeed right away, i know there will be moments where i will want to stop, but i am going to keep working,I know Its hard, but the difference between us, is, I am not going to give up.. 12

chapter 213


thoughts....21

it always fascinates me, how infants act on mere instinct.
every move, they eat, sleep,cry,laugh.
no bad thoughts, or temptation or lies.22

pure creatures.23

day two24

my stomach is bloated, once again I have trapped my self in the little net which I have created, the net which leads to no good, the net that step by step leads to my absolute break down.25

Though for once my writing seems to be slowly turning to the kind of writing which I would personally enjoy..26

however only because a certain person didnt fully enjoy them I once again find my self in a state of questioning, am I ever to succeed, do I have potentials, do people lie to me when they say I have something..27

confusion, depression, and impatience, slowly slowly dawns on me, and i dwell in the little box of pure apathy which I more then often retreat to.28


shall I speak? I do love how words come so beautifully together to form a thought, a rhyme, a melody, certain words are like balm arent they, or moister over a dry aching figure...29

words.30

day three31

its strange.32

quite strange If you ask me, how different we are...humans, we are created from the same flesh and bones blood and guts, how we all produce the same sweat and tears..33

yet we are so different.34

I find this BEAUTIFUL, wile you find it HIDEOUS..35

funny how that is...36

-------------37

day four 38

wow, its unbelievable how hard my heart is pounding..39

I have always been fond of the idea of beautiful misery, the way you crawl up in a corner, so alone, so desperate, and so helplessly driven by some intangible source, yet in this situation, you find such inspiration to create things you wouldn't have created at your best state with your finest of tools..46

its extensively fascinating how the human brain works, and how it reacts with your emotions and your soul. to create life.47

you know what els I thought of today?
Having children, creating legacy of your body,and name...48

having children is exactly like falling in love, its basically creating beings whose pain could so intensely be yours, its quite brave , isn't it? 49

author note:

i will be writing thoughts, every now and then, there quite random really, simple expressions of daily remarks.

also i put up the image of Tim Buckley because whenever i think of someone contemplating, his face comes to mind .