in the air

I like the urban feel, I lie big cities, and cigarettes and light, I like coffee and hard workers, and hot rollers, I like suppressed emotions, I like love and scandal, I like hiding in the nook.

I always want to convey those things in my -modern day- short stories.

its so hard

I also like old books, I like royalty, royal blood, I like peasant girls and sun rays, I like farmers that are painters in secret, I like phrases like "my lord" "king of France" "bow before him" "rise to the occasion" "madam compose your self"

I love old and English, and I love new and urban

I love formally coldly coated and I like fast heated inconsiderance

and I like the depth of emotion behind them

I wish I could paint the picture clearly.

its so difficult!

p.s: because of the finals I am only writing articles as appose to stories that take more effort and time.

I want to write a book.

this maybe ridiculously  implied by the fact that I am an aspiring writer, but heres the explanation:

I write, yes I do, but I write short stories and poems. I want to write books that effect the reader the way a great book effects me, one with all the element I wish to read before I open a book, one with heart steering emotions, gripping characters, amazing details, and an -I dont want to close this book- ending.

I want to create  a whole world within 400 pages, more or less, cover to cover, a book that literally shifts you into a different land the moment you open it.

I never could though.

I find it intensely difficult to finish a short story.
I cannot create a world
I cannot convey feelings
I cannot do any of the above.

but I try, and I will keep on trying.

the finals

it is the finals.
I am almost cracking under pressure, I have bitten all my hails off, I drink unbelievable amounts of caffeine a day and I can almost feel the dark circles appear under my eyes.
but I love god for making this very easy for me.
but the point is from this post is an information that I wont be posting anything tell next week
I am working on two short stories though..
I love literature, I love it deeply, and I have never (yet) met anyone that loves it as deeply as I do.
but I hope I do soon
someone that would share the love of pulled back hair, comfy sweater, good coffee, and a magnificent book.

update

its been a week or so since I posted anything, I do realize that not alot of people actually read my blog, if any, but I will post anyways, because I enjoy it, I have been working on two new short stories, the first is a re-write of peter pan, I have always found his story awfully beautiful, there are many changes, but the main concept is the same, and another really really short story that dosent really have a definition, it has some things I have been wanting to say for a while, my writing has reached a point where I write, because I must, and I write for my self, because its an idea that cant live in my brain anymore.

I may never share these things with the world, but as long as I have stayed true to who I am and done the things I wanted to do, it dosent matter as much.

I also have MANY drawings to share, I have been to lazy to scan anything but I promise I will.

I also am working on a novel, I left my previous one, it is only temporarily abdicated and deserted , but the new one is a story which I have always wanted to tell.

its really hard, this whole thing, I wont lie, I still work, I still improve, but it is , intensely hard.

I can do it, inshallah.